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  • Pooja dagar

    1 December 2020 at 19:09
    0 NTL Score

    Its burnt. I took it out frantically and placed it on the slab,almost dropping it. I stared at it with wide eyes, hurt, rage and confusion battling somewhere back in my mind to take over me. It wasn’t supposed to be like this…it just wasn’t….I followed all the steps, waited till the right time as instructed,put in the right things, I tried my best…then how? Why?

    I took a knife and cut through my supposed cake, instead of the expected gruff my knife met with a smooth texture, I cut some more…raw…it was raw from inside…burnt or raw…doesn’t matter…both unappreciated…both ruined. I wasn’t surprised, the emotions battling to take over me had given up, now I was embraced in the numbed sadness…is that even a thing? Calm sorrow? Strange.

    An image came in my mind, a women staring into nothingness, it was the image I related with this emotion, I imagined this image while reading something, I focused hard to remember what book it was, what sentence it was, among the blurred words the one word I could see was despair….is the calm sorrow despair? The numbed sadness..despair? But wasn’t despair volatile, violent,disturbing? Wasn’t it despair when I didn’t get through my classes as I would have liked to? The world surely felt like it was crashing down,wasn’t it despair when my love left me? My heart did tear apart, wasn’t it despair when my parents refused to understand me? I did feel like I was engulfed with fire. So what is this newfound calm? My past experiences with despair felt like tsunami – aggressive and invasive while this one was a relaxed sea in moonless night, unlike the other it wasn’t invasive, it is a perpetual peice of me. Is it because of existence of different degrees of despair?I wonder which one is stronger? The tsunami that makes me struggle? Or the calm sea, welcoming me with open arms to kill me with kindness ?

    In the bottom of the cake mold, around the corners, was somewhat alright sponge, now this surprised me, I picked it up and felt it between my fingers, it put a smile on my face. I placed it in my mouth and enjoyed the sweet taste of it. This was how it was supposed to be – not burnt, not raw. I guess I’ll try again, it might turn out alright, I have hopes for it.

  • Marion Kerkhof

    2 December 2020 at 12:56
    111 NTL Score

    Thank you for this story. I really like the imagery you used.

  • Crystal Mone

    2 December 2020 at 15:28
    0 NTL Score

    Wow Pooja, I am really impressed of the way you use to express your emotions. You are really talented. 😊👍

  • Oriana Sande

    3 January 2021 at 14:45
    2 NTL Score

    You wrote beautifully and showed vulnerability!

  • Juliana Xhelali

    29 January 2021 at 15:20
    335 NTL Score

    Thank you for sharing, Pooja!

    I really like the way you have expressed yourself. I especially like the third paragraph. Its last few sentences seem very powerful to me. The words you have chosen to build the contrast are unique.

    I truly enjoyed reading this.

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